Tuesday, March 15, 2005

-->>Note from tOkK:

The past several weeks i have been on overload. I can't pretend i don't have issues. In fact the more i pretend the less 'normal' i seem.

I post here the best i can updates about the newest TMNT stuff or intresting articles i hope you will enjoy. This page has the one of the lowest view counts. But still partly..i've made it my duty to keep on top of the latest stuff that i can.

My life isn't anyone else's problem really but my own. And my own battles and demons are mine.

But i owe so much to the people that love me and support me online. You guys get on terrible2z, Mikey's, Deviantart,emails and even the phone and the support and love is there. Yet sometimes i'm so lost in the fog of my mind to even see that.

..i crack alot. The weight of all this stuff i'm facing seems to just effect every tiny little corner of my days. Even here on Mikey's.

When i took this 'update' roll on ..i got a little better at it as time went on. Yes , i can't keep on top of 'it all' but i try.

Yesterday like alot of the other days i've been speeding thru' the past few years.. i stumbled again. Flat on my face and my words and my illness.

Ultimatly i hurt the guy that made this whole place happen. My best friend..and often my mentor. Odds are i prolly hurt alot of you.

Maybe i am dragging my tail between my legs. Maybe i am beating myself up. I think i deserve it.

I'll make my decisions on how things are gonna go down in a little while.

..in the mean time .. i owe everyone an apology ..you guys and especially Mikey. He can't possibly understand what i'm facing and he's got more than enough sh7t on his plate to figure it out. He shouldn't have to.

Still he's my friend. And it wouldn't matter what i owe to him or not. If it wasn't for him i wouldn't be here. If it wasn't for you all i wouldn't be here.

I know sometimes it's seems like i don't appreciate or read what you guys say. Ultimatly know i do. The past 5 + years of my life have been so incredible. And sometimes the biggest things and kindest things are the support you guys have given me.

I'm sorry i don't always see things.

You always hurt the ones you love. ..i seem to be the epidomy of that.

I make miatakes. But still i have to hold up to them and face them. Noone will ..noone can but me.

I'm sorry you guys.. and i'm sorry to Mikey..he really is the best friend anyone could have. And sometimes i let the negative things cloud that so bad that i hold our friendship in content. He's family .. to me.. as much as all of you are.And i don't deserve any of it.

Some big decisions are being made today and in the coming weeks. and i'm falling under the pressure of it all. I better get it together right now or i just won't make it huh.

again i'm sorry, guys.. i don't know what else to say.


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