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#@$!@~!rant..


Dunno what it is.. ya know i end up getting pulled in all sorts of spot-lights i ain' really ever expectin'. I'm not always proud how i've come off in the past.. bottom line is i've been workin' real hard to rectify that, change that. I really don't care how schizophrenic i am or how crazy they think i am.. i'm not out to get anyone and i got my arse to bust as much as anyone else. I'm runnin' outta steam to be dealing with stupid people with rude things to say. Past several weeks i been getting whipped left and right all over these internets..i just don't get it.


.. and as i have reacted and 'snapped' ,more humiliating developments occur and i'm always havin' to crawl back to my hole with my tail between my legs. Someone has a problem with me on Mikey's ..they end up NOT coming to me no matter how much i ask. Someone has an issue with me on another site..they hound me like i'm some kinda punching bag. Kinda the eternal mystery i guess..why this happens.


i also deal with many good and sweet people o i must try to keep this in mind.
But i'm getting to the end of my rope. It's also been thrown on the table what kinda 'FAN' i am.. and past couple months they've been leading my horse to water ..and getting me all pumped up and worked up.. only to land me and the horse in the middle of a mine field.


I can't say it enough .. i'm doing this cuz i care about this site,the TMNT franchise as a whole & a love for Mirage!! Yeh it's been a goal of mine to have some official TMNT work someday..this helps me keep on top of stuff..)i mean it's been a rough set of years..ask anyone(tOkKA's a designer & cartoonist too)madd skillzz people have varying opinions on & a tough job market make it exceptionally difficult to want to keep going.)Controversial as i may be.. (and actually i'm a pretty nice guy ..gee) .. tOkK'a been hacking at this for a great while. Yeh it deffly ain' easy. And yeh .. soemday .. i am gonna get some official Turtle work.. cuz i think need a little bitt'a happines in my days to mucha anyone else. ]


WHAT KINDA FAN AM I??


..i am a frustrated fan, a thankful fan, a fan inspired by one of the greatest franchise and artistic exposures on the planet. I'm overwhelmed,my head's spinin' constant, and stayin' up on the whole Turtle news crap should be the least of my priorities. But this place is'nt just a part of WHAT i do.. it's a part of me. The people here have become an extension of the first REAL social-network i'd ever encountered and quite possibly the most supportibe i'd ever had. I also realize the 20 kazillion Turtle fan sites you could be goin' to to get the scoops and the news you need to keep on top of your favourite characters.


But those of you that come here to see tOkKa's shpeel.. i'm thankful o you. I appreciate you all coming outta your buzy day n' reading the silly posts and pickin' up on whatever news i can dig up about your Green buddies. A few bad apples and experiences drive Tokka into a brick wall ..i get stung ..it's those good kids and people and ones i know and love givin' me a leg'up tellin' me they love me and NOT to give up. And again i am very THANKFUL no matter what anyone sez. So to those of you that can't get the straight issue and come to the horse's mouth and direct to me..tellin' what's up, what your feeling, or what your issue is constructivly.. i cross my fingers that that horse bites you in the a55.


Across the nets,ipods, forums and feeds ..i seem to have become some sort of phantom people just don't quite know what to do with or think about. If it's not been another fan site, or forum,someplace totally un-TMNT related Deviantart,some redneck screwballs in Reallife,or FlickR , or whatever .. i seem to stick out like a sore thumb and there always seems to be a beef someone has with me.


Obvious i ain' perfect.. but what kinda FAN am i ??


I'm a Turtle fan .. pure and simple..


and i'd like think i'm a fairly decent person despite my problems.


This site and the people involved mean more to me than anyone can ever know.. and i don't think some TV-media con-GLOM comin' in hurtin' me & thinkin' they could ever try to understand or define what Mikey's and t2z is all or ever about ..what it means to a complex goofball like me & what a wonderful pain in the a55 it is to stay on top of it all and intense labour of love. So yeh .. go back to the broadcast booth and get wrapped up in your satellite dishes and bunny ears. I'm fried of people trying to define me in sick little labels and sticky-notes. It's not that simple.. it just isn't.. it can't be defined ..and it's not all that bad either.




..
and like i said before .. you can' come to me reasonably ??


Then bite me !! Bite the f$%^$%^ outta me !!


tOkKa's here to stay..


BAnnnzaaai !!



..>v<