Saturday, May 03, 2003
Meaghan's ballet, tap and gymnastics recital was on last night. Click the pic of Meg to see the rest of the pictures.
Mikey was being stupid at 4:58 PM ::
Friday, May 02, 2003
Before work today, I drove my mom and sisters around town looking for wedding things -- flowers and the bridal shower hall, etc. After we left from the flower shop, my mom told me to head over to a local Mexican restaurant that has a party room. She knows the owners personally and figured that if we went over for lunch, they'd let us have a good deal on renting it out for the shower.
Well, my sister Julie -- the bride -- happened to mention that she didn't feel like eating there as she had eaten Mexican food for the past three days. My mom said that she wanted to give them business in order to get a good deal, while my other sister Kat said, "Beggars can't be choosers.."
This set Julie off on a nearly endless sob... very similar to my emotional outburst from last Monday.
It's funny how different siblings think they are... but still so alike.
See, everyone in our family is in the same boat financially. But none of us truly realize how lucky we are to have parents who love and support us as they do. I have done everything in my power to stay independent from my parents. I see how much of a financial drain I've been on them. But still, some unwise choices and flat out mistakes have left me owing so much money that many times I have to borrow from my dad. He complains, gives me the "look" and the "tone" and I feel bad for asking for gas money or if he can pay my rent that particular month.
I genuinely feel awful for it.
Kat is five years older than I am, and she knows this look and tone better than any of us. She's unemployed and has major debt accrued from a business venture currently on life support. That life support is my father ... She pitches in however much she can, but it isn't nearly enough, and so she has to hear lectures and disdain from my father quite often.
She genuinely feels awful for it.
I mean, really, who wouldn't? We're adults who have to keep asking daddy for help. But living under his roof for two decades plus, has hardened us to his "tone" and "look." It's sad that it happened, but it did. Day after day, we got those same gestures, which outweigh the hugs and signs of affection 20 to 1.
Julie moved out of the house when she was 14. She's lived all over the place, seemingly on her own, because she just couldn't handle living here and under my parents' roof. She's worked many jobs, but at the same time, has never really been without financial aid. She's gotten help from friends, her fiancee's mother's boyfriend and quite a lot of help from my parents. But she thinks that because she hasn't lived at home with my parents since she was a teenager, that she has been "on her own" out in "the real world" .... But, frankly, she has never really weened herself from the tit.
Julie's outburst today, which consisted of a 20-minute fountain of tears and sobs (in the car), revealed that she genuinely feels awful for it.
You see, the reason she cannot keep her emotions under control like she used to, is because she's been having to give her entire check to my dad to cover payment for the truck he helped them buy. Because of that, she had no money to pay her phone, so it was cut off. Not only that, she gets endless shit from my gramma (whom she works for) day after day. But what she says hurts her more than anything is when she asks dad for gas money, and he gives her the "look" and the "tone." She's not calloused to it as Kat and I are. She didn't live at home for most of her adolescence and young adulthood.
Now that she's here day in and day out, asking for money isn't as easy as it used to be (i.e. Western Union). Thus, the emotional weight of it all is too much for her to handle. And she's been overly sensitive lately... ultimately leading to this latest outburst.
I feel sorry for... I really do. But that's something she's going to have to deal with. She needs to learn to get past the ever-present grumpiness from my dad and just be so very grateful she has parents who are willing to help her out. It's not a common thing in this country for parents to support their children in their 20s. Especially in non-wealthy, lower middle-class households.
I'm not looking forward to owing any more people money... especially my parents. That's why I'm doing all that I can to get myself out of debt, and I'm fairly confident that my sisters are doing the same thing.
Well, my sister Julie -- the bride -- happened to mention that she didn't feel like eating there as she had eaten Mexican food for the past three days. My mom said that she wanted to give them business in order to get a good deal, while my other sister Kat said, "Beggars can't be choosers.."
This set Julie off on a nearly endless sob... very similar to my emotional outburst from last Monday.
It's funny how different siblings think they are... but still so alike.
See, everyone in our family is in the same boat financially. But none of us truly realize how lucky we are to have parents who love and support us as they do. I have done everything in my power to stay independent from my parents. I see how much of a financial drain I've been on them. But still, some unwise choices and flat out mistakes have left me owing so much money that many times I have to borrow from my dad. He complains, gives me the "look" and the "tone" and I feel bad for asking for gas money or if he can pay my rent that particular month.
I genuinely feel awful for it.
Kat is five years older than I am, and she knows this look and tone better than any of us. She's unemployed and has major debt accrued from a business venture currently on life support. That life support is my father ... She pitches in however much she can, but it isn't nearly enough, and so she has to hear lectures and disdain from my father quite often.
She genuinely feels awful for it.
I mean, really, who wouldn't? We're adults who have to keep asking daddy for help. But living under his roof for two decades plus, has hardened us to his "tone" and "look." It's sad that it happened, but it did. Day after day, we got those same gestures, which outweigh the hugs and signs of affection 20 to 1.
Julie moved out of the house when she was 14. She's lived all over the place, seemingly on her own, because she just couldn't handle living here and under my parents' roof. She's worked many jobs, but at the same time, has never really been without financial aid. She's gotten help from friends, her fiancee's mother's boyfriend and quite a lot of help from my parents. But she thinks that because she hasn't lived at home with my parents since she was a teenager, that she has been "on her own" out in "the real world" .... But, frankly, she has never really weened herself from the tit.
Julie's outburst today, which consisted of a 20-minute fountain of tears and sobs (in the car), revealed that she genuinely feels awful for it.
You see, the reason she cannot keep her emotions under control like she used to, is because she's been having to give her entire check to my dad to cover payment for the truck he helped them buy. Because of that, she had no money to pay her phone, so it was cut off. Not only that, she gets endless shit from my gramma (whom she works for) day after day. But what she says hurts her more than anything is when she asks dad for gas money, and he gives her the "look" and the "tone." She's not calloused to it as Kat and I are. She didn't live at home for most of her adolescence and young adulthood.
Now that she's here day in and day out, asking for money isn't as easy as it used to be (i.e. Western Union). Thus, the emotional weight of it all is too much for her to handle. And she's been overly sensitive lately... ultimately leading to this latest outburst.
I feel sorry for... I really do. But that's something she's going to have to deal with. She needs to learn to get past the ever-present grumpiness from my dad and just be so very grateful she has parents who are willing to help her out. It's not a common thing in this country for parents to support their children in their 20s. Especially in non-wealthy, lower middle-class households.
I'm not looking forward to owing any more people money... especially my parents. That's why I'm doing all that I can to get myself out of debt, and I'm fairly confident that my sisters are doing the same thing.
Mikey was being stupid at 10:23 PM ::
Thursday, May 01, 2003
bajoobies?
Mikey was being stupid at 10:25 PM ::
Monday, April 28, 2003
Something hurts inside... I'm not yet sure if it's physical or emotional.
Some days I'll wake up and just know that everything has gotten better. Things are looking up. My life is going great. I have my love, I have a great job, I have a house and my own car. My family is close to my heart and my friends are true. I can't even believe yesterday was so bleak.
Then I realize it is yesterday.
I laugh at all the funny parts of the shows. I get intrigued when reading a comic book. I sing along with the blaring music in my car. I smile when I play with my young cousins. Still, the frowns, tears and overall stress are never far behind.
Everyone has problems. I don't know if I'm being a drama queen or if I do have a shittier life than most. But no I don't. Survivors... The guy in baggy shorts and ringer tee, walking down the street pondering whether life is worth living, "should I bleed?" ... Then a car zooms by and the passenger yells out "Skater Fag!" The girl whose father drinks himself half to death while the step-mother is calling her a low-life -- she'll never amount to anything. The innocent in high school who thought everyone who calls him a fag behind his back was his friend; the one who endured rumors of a homosexual encounter on campus and survived the beatings from classmates as well as those from home.
They're the ones who have it worse than me. They're the ones who have survived. They have continued to live despite the moronic shit that society has shoveled in their faces. You survived and will continue to survive because what hasn't killed you makes you stronger... Do I sound like a mother yet? It's true. Things are going your way. Maybe it's better if we end up calloused to the bone. Maybe everyone has to deal with pain in order to actually make it in this world. Because....
Yesterday, I felt he didn't love me. "Tell me you love me." ::click::
Yesterday, I felt my boss was giving me the runaround -- "I'll look into that for you." So, I applied for five different jobs. Two in California three in Dallas.
Yesterday, I told my sister I had no connection to the house I grew up in. I'm fond of the memories, but no, I'm not making any new ones.
Yesterday, I realized that the vehicle registration for my car are about to expire. I do not have the $70 to renew.
Yesterday, my sister told me that my mom and other sister made fun of her for being so close to me. "We act like a couple." They also feel it is she who is trying to bring about my feminine side. It's bad enough I like boys, but now she wants me to tag along on shopping trips. Surely, I'm going to blame the three of them for making me this way.
Yesterday, I talked to my best friends. Two of them live 800 miles away and one lives here in town. I work so much that I rarely see the one here. The others live so far, I'm lucky if I'll make my way up north to attend Steve's commencement ceremonies.
I owe $12,000 in credit card debt. I owe $16,000 for my car. I have daily/weekly/monthly bills. I make $20,000 a year and I am drowning in these debts.
I wake up everyday thinking that it's not as bad as it seems. But it is. And it hardly seems as if I've gotten a break from anyone. If I'm going to pitch a bitch that's what it is. Fine, I crave sympathy. No I don't NEED it. But at least have some mercy. Why does the world continue to stab me every chance it gets when I already feel like a goddamn fool for putting myself in this situation in the first place?
Some days I'll wake up and just know that everything has gotten better. Things are looking up. My life is going great. I have my love, I have a great job, I have a house and my own car. My family is close to my heart and my friends are true. I can't even believe yesterday was so bleak.
Then I realize it is yesterday.
I laugh at all the funny parts of the shows. I get intrigued when reading a comic book. I sing along with the blaring music in my car. I smile when I play with my young cousins. Still, the frowns, tears and overall stress are never far behind.
Everyone has problems. I don't know if I'm being a drama queen or if I do have a shittier life than most. But no I don't. Survivors... The guy in baggy shorts and ringer tee, walking down the street pondering whether life is worth living, "should I bleed?" ... Then a car zooms by and the passenger yells out "Skater Fag!" The girl whose father drinks himself half to death while the step-mother is calling her a low-life -- she'll never amount to anything. The innocent in high school who thought everyone who calls him a fag behind his back was his friend; the one who endured rumors of a homosexual encounter on campus and survived the beatings from classmates as well as those from home.
They're the ones who have it worse than me. They're the ones who have survived. They have continued to live despite the moronic shit that society has shoveled in their faces. You survived and will continue to survive because what hasn't killed you makes you stronger... Do I sound like a mother yet? It's true. Things are going your way. Maybe it's better if we end up calloused to the bone. Maybe everyone has to deal with pain in order to actually make it in this world. Because....
Yesterday, I felt he didn't love me. "Tell me you love me." ::click::
Yesterday, I felt my boss was giving me the runaround -- "I'll look into that for you." So, I applied for five different jobs. Two in California three in Dallas.
Yesterday, I told my sister I had no connection to the house I grew up in. I'm fond of the memories, but no, I'm not making any new ones.
Yesterday, I realized that the vehicle registration for my car are about to expire. I do not have the $70 to renew.
Yesterday, my sister told me that my mom and other sister made fun of her for being so close to me. "We act like a couple." They also feel it is she who is trying to bring about my feminine side. It's bad enough I like boys, but now she wants me to tag along on shopping trips. Surely, I'm going to blame the three of them for making me this way.
Yesterday, I talked to my best friends. Two of them live 800 miles away and one lives here in town. I work so much that I rarely see the one here. The others live so far, I'm lucky if I'll make my way up north to attend Steve's commencement ceremonies.
I owe $12,000 in credit card debt. I owe $16,000 for my car. I have daily/weekly/monthly bills. I make $20,000 a year and I am drowning in these debts.
I wake up everyday thinking that it's not as bad as it seems. But it is. And it hardly seems as if I've gotten a break from anyone. If I'm going to pitch a bitch that's what it is. Fine, I crave sympathy. No I don't NEED it. But at least have some mercy. Why does the world continue to stab me every chance it gets when I already feel like a goddamn fool for putting myself in this situation in the first place?
Mikey was being stupid at 11:55 PM ::
U.S. Army Spc. Edward John Anguiano, 24, of Los Fresnos, Texas was traveling with the 507th Maintenance Company March 23 when it was ambushed at Nasiriyah, Iraq. The remains of the final soldier missing in action in Iraq have been identified as those of Anguiano. Military personnel informed Anguiano family members Sunday, April 27, 2003, that he had been killed. (AP Photo/Family Handout via The Brownsville Herald, File)
Edgar Hernandez, left, 21, from Alton, one of five American soldiers who were held by Iraqi soldiers as prisoners of war, hugs his brother Marco as his brother Joel, right, smiles with delight as Edgar walks into McAllen International Airport lobby. This is Hernandez's first time back in the Rio Grande Valley since leaving for Iraq.
Edgar Hernandez waves to the crowd of people gathered to welcome him home as he walks to the podium to give a statement to the media.
Mikey was being stupid at 9:39 PM ::