..stupid ideals..

I hope everyone had a great Christmas and/or any other holiday you might have celebrated this past week. I haven't been around much lately because, well, I haven't been up to it. I can't bring myself to post as often as I'd like for a variety of reasons. Guess it's just another one of those moods, huh?

My Christmas was decent. This year may have been the most materialistic Christmas I've experienced... For a while it felt like it was all about the presents... I didn't even go to mass like I intended. And although the majority of the time was spent preoccupied, spending some time with my family did me some good.

Now, I feel like I'm coming down with something again. Last night I began coughing and today I woke up with a really scratchy throat. If I get a throat infection, it will be really bad... I get horrible throat infections... results in going hoarse, an annoying cough that sticks till Spring Break, not to mention the fever and mouth sores that goes along with being sick.

Last night was the annual family Christmas Party. It was held at my aunt's house again this year, and was somewhat more lively than the last one. Last year, people were pissed at each other, my grampa had just passed away and my aunt and her family were feuding with my uncle's wife... over a hundred dollar bill. This year, things went smoothly. Bygones were bygones, and everyone had a good time. I had to work as usual, so I made an appearance during my dinner break. There's something about my family... I can't stand to be around them often, but once I'm there, I don't really mind them. It happens all the time.

When I arrived, I was attacked by at least 20 children screaming my name. It's amazing how much the little ones like me... because I have a hard time being around them. I said hello to my relatives, gave my gramma a kiss and went out to the patio to join my sisters. Along the way everyone I said hello to added, "Jason's here!" or "Have you seen Jason??"

Jason is my cousin. He turned 21 in October, has a three-year-old daughter and a fiancee. His mother and step-father are the owners of Curves for Women... a very successful chain of fitness centers. Jay and I were best friends growing up... Of all the kids in our family, he and I were the closest. We'd spend summers at grampa's farm and spring breaks at his condo on the island... And when I say his condo... I mean HIS condo. He was about 15 at the time. We were always really close. That was until teenage rebellion set in. After his mother and step-dad moved upstate, she sent him to live with his dad -- my uncle. But my uncle isn't even an eighth as wealthy as his mother, so he totally rebelled, skipped school and got into drugs and such. Unable to discipline him, my uncle and Jason's mom decided to send him to the local military academy, but he went "AWOL" ... Eventually, he settled down, but not until becoming a young father and without graduating from high school.

Still, he has a good job working for his mom, and he lives well. His Chevy Avalanche is about 3 days old, he and his fiancee just got back from a cruise, and soon they'll be getting married in Hawaii. Last night was the first time I'd seen Jay since my grandfather's funeral. So we caught up, had a good time talking. But the reunion didn't exactly rise to everyone's expectations. I don't know why, but people automatically thought we were going to become best friends again. It won't happen... we are two completely different people, and while we enjoy hanging out... we just aren't who we used to be. Things aren't the same as they were 15 years ago. Maybe everyone else is blind to that... maybe Jason embraces it... and maybe I resent it... just a little.