E! The True Hollywood Story: The Ninja Turtles
Author:Centipede

Disclaimer: I don't own Ninja Turtles or the E! channel. I make up some of
what goes on and sometimes stretch things out of proportion.

The Ninja Turtles. You've seen them, you've loved them, but tonight, find out
what you really didn't know about the pizza munching amphibians.

1984. The year of the video game market crash, the Macintosh computer
premiere, and the future of 4 would be ninja turtles, just out to make some
dough.

Leonardo:We were just broke.....looking for money. We had our own place, and
yet, we were getting house and electric bills (points to top of head) up to
here. Not only that, but we wasted even more cash on lots of pizza, which
did'nt help but make us go even more hungry.

The 4 turtles were attending high school, Leonardo being a Junior,
Michaelangelo and Donatello being freshmen, and Raphael just a day away from
turning senior. They had a place together and were'nt able to pay the bills.
Eventually, they got kicked out of their home and were forced to live
outside.

Michaelangelo:It was just...off tha' gates, yo. It was crazy, man. I mean,
here we are, 4 overgrown turtles, homeless? What type of bull(bleep) is that,
dogg? How's that gonna look?

Then, in spring 1984, they got lucky. They hooked up with Kevin Eastman and
Peter Laird down at Mirage Studios to make what the turtles called a possible
cash cow.

Raphael (while incarcerated in prision):Well, we came to them in about '83,
'84 after hearing that a couple of comic book artists are in some need of new
characters for an all new book. So we came in, and auditioned, and lets just
say we never went hungry again afterwards. (chuckles)

Them boom. In May of 1984, the first saga into The Teenage Mutant Ninja
Turtles began. As the popularity of the turtles increased, so did tensions of
the group. This is their story.

Chapter 1:Raphael's Story

Raphael Marcus Jamison was one of the 4 turtle brothers. He's a great guy
when he wants to, but he's mainly just the agitator, he makes other people
mad on purpose using his crushing sarcasm. Sometimes, his temper problems get
him into serious trouble.

Michaelangelo:Back in tha' day, there was a lotta freshman beatdowns, man. I
was a freshman of my high school back in those early days, and Raphael was a
senior, and yet he's one of my brothers. Nothing made him feel better about
school more than beating up freshmen. He'd beat me up regularly at school
until I was a sophomore, and he'd beat me bad. After I'd get beat the (bleep)
down, all I could think was "ain't that a (bleep)?! My own flesh and blood
trying to kick my (bleep) just 'cuz I'm a freshman and he's a (bleep)in'
senior?! (bleep) naw, dogg!!! I don't play that (bleep)!" It was (bleep)in'
ridiculous, whodi.

Leonardo:He's just an (bleep)hole. Pardon my french, but that (bleep) (bleep)
mutha(bleep)er just can't stop (bleep)in' people off. When he's in a rage, he
can become very, very violent.

He was too violent for his own good one day. In August of 1984, the turtles
were underground in the NYC sewers figuring out their new comic book
advertising gimmick so that they can put more cash in their pockets. Then,
Michaelangelo had an idea, which seemed very good to the others. But then
Raphael had one. The 2 idea were well liked, but Michaelangelo pleaded
Raphael to use his idea because he stated that his plan "just totally sucked
to me and is a bunch of garbage".

Donatello:We all saw it all. Because of Raphael's violent temper,
Michaelangelo has been always intimidated and easily scared of him.
Michaelangelo wanted to make sure that he did'nt do anything to (bleep) with
Raphael. But what he wanted to avoid happened anyways. They argued one
moment. The next thing I know, I'm seeing Raphael pimp-smacking the (bleep)
out of Michaelangelo. I'm hearing smacks, and Michaelangelo screaming,
wailing, crying, whimpering and going on....... then the next moment I know,
I see Raphael pinning Michaelangelo to the ground, holding a big (bleep)
samuari's sword to his neck. Michaelangelo was defenseless. The only thing
that stopped him from actually killing Michaelangelo was that I called the
police on him and that he tried to run away.

But he did'nt get so lucky. Raphael was caught hiding out somewhere in
Crenshaw down in South Central, California, and was arrested, booked and
charged with attempted murder, and was sentenced to serve 3 years in prision.
But on the morning of April 24th of 1985, his sentence was cut short, but had
to spend the rest of his duration of arrest in house arrest. Meanwhile, he
had been seeing a counsilor for his anger problems, and suggested that once
released off of house arrest, that he go straight into an anger management
program to fix his temper problems. The other turtles had a problem with him,
though. They did'nt want him around anymore, because they were sick of his
ridiculous attitude.

Raphael(still incarcerated):(depressed)They hated me......they wanted to boot
me off the force......(sniff).....I was deeply depressed.....(sob,
sniffle)...sorry....(sniffle)....I just don't wanna (bursts out sobbing,
voice breaking) talk about this again!!!!!!! (continues crying)

While being depressed, this led to heavy drinking down at bars and local
liquor stores. One night, he got in a really bad accident that caused a new
move in the Turtle's career to be put on hold. On the night of December 18th
of 1986, Raphael was driving his 1984 Sunbird back to his place. He had
supposedly wanted to talk to the guys about his problem and wanted to work
things out with them. But he was really, really drunk that time. He ran 3
stop signs, and crashed really hard into a tree. This did total damage to his
body. He was not only in shock and suffering shattering bones in the lower
half part of his body, but he was knocked into a coma.

Leonardo:When that happened, we were just finishing the first 4 episodes into
our new saturday morning cartoon series. We were really upset and worried
about Raphael at the time. He may be a cold-hearted son of a (bleep), but I
don't wish death and badness to anyone. We all thought that he would'nt make
it.

But he did. The turtles called it a miracle. And since then, he tried so hard
to stay out of trouble. Until 14 years later. This time he unleashed his
anger on a young friend of the turtles named Max Gardner otherwise known to
some as The Centipede.

Centipede:Well, that son of a (bleep) started it. Hee gotta learn when he
should shut the (bleep) up. He may not be the one to be (bleep)ed with, but
he did'nt know me. Which ment I could've been more dangerous to him if I
wanted, but I'm nothing like him. I'm not violent, I'm not short tempered,
and I'm definately not a supreme (bleep)hole. But I made him learn that he
(bleep)ed with the wrong person, and got his (bleep) arrested. Pardon my
language, please.

Raphael started it by saying racial slurs to Centipede just to tick him off
(Centipede is black). It worked. Then Centipede got fired up and slapped
Raphael hard across the face. The way he smacked Raphael (he used his
backhand or in his case the black part of his hand and not his palm part
which is on the other side) he liked to call it his own version of the pimp
smack. Raphael tried to attack, but was pimp smacked again, this time hard
enough to send him flying to the ground. Then Raphael lunged at Centipede by
the throat and strangled him. Michaelangelo immediately took an iron pipe and
hit Raphael over the head with it hard enough to knock him out, then ordered
Donatello to call the police. If Michaelangelo had'nt did this with one more
minute, Centipede would've died, Leonardo told the press.

Leonardo:It was a terrible scene after this. Centipede passed out, and
Michaelangelo had thought that he was dead. I mean we all deeply cared for
Centipede, but no one cared for him more than Michaelangelo. It was like they
were brothers. When he saw Centipede laid out on the ground, he immediately
bursted into tears, crying like a baby. Then he just picked him up, and
hugged him for a long amount of time. He was just squeezing Centipede tight,
crying. What pained me what that we took Centipede back to his guest room,
Michaelangelo was there with him. I mean, he was singing to him and stuff.
Rubbing Centipede's forehead saying "everything will be all right" like he
was a little child. This was one of the many times I had ever seen
Michaelangelo serious and not joking. When he sang to Centipede, who was
still passed out at the time, it wasn't all comedic and stuff as usual, and
it definetly wasn't party music he was singing.

Centipede eventually snapped out of it, and had officially had beef with
Raphael every since. As for Raphael, he was sentenced to serve 5 years in
prision being charged with not only attempted murder, but also drug charges
(he was caught with 5 kilos of marijuanna in his car during his arrest). He's
due to be released by Febuary of 2005. He's still being held in incarceration
as of now.

Stayed tuned.....on the way......Chapter 2:Michaelangelo's story
on the E! True Hollywood Story:The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
right after these commercial breaks.

Email:Pong86@aol.com